||[Jun. 28th, 2005|01:40 pm]
|[||My emo today is:
|[||What's making me feel good today:
|||||Jesus od Suburbia by Green Day||]|
Monday sucked. I couldn't even will myself out of bed until 3pm. I spent the whole day trying to get people to come over to my house, and no one did. I got pissed off, trashed my room (that I had just cleaned) and tried so hard to get yelled at today without making it look like I wanted too. That's the only time anything's has feeling around here, when someone's angry. Screaming and bitching are the only things my mom can do with any sort of passion, at least around me. I want that. That feeling of something real hanging heavy in the air. To feel that spark of life again. Something, anything raw and real. Or maybe I'm being stupid...
When I wasn't trying to get yelled at, I was memorizing quotes and lyrics and writing stories. I made 3 mix-cds for no reason. Then decided they sucked and glued them too my wall.
Then I got pissed off because I can't re-clean my room because we have no garbage bags. Who has no garbage bags? They're just standard....right?? We're all insane...
My stories are coming along great. 3 at once. Tragedy is always good writers fuel somehow. I read that all writers are like that, at somepoint. Most never leave that point. I got pyschoanalyzed and was told I'm a lot like Hunter S. Thompson. I've spent tonight reading things about him. Interesting man. Before him I was compared to Hemmingway by my English teacher a few years ago. Both killed themselves. Ooooh how comfortable I feel now....
Ok, kids. That's enough of me.
-il faut d'abord durer-
-(First, one must last)-
I have a new favorite word:
A philosophy that emphasizes the uniqueness and isolation of the individual experience in a hostile or indifferent universe, regards human existence as unexplainable, and stresses freedom of choice and responsibility for the consequences of one's acts.